Call me crazy

I think I understand what wanting to suicide feels like. It feels like there is no way out. Like there is something wrong in your head and its capsulated by your skull that no matter how much you gouge…the disease is well protected. Like a bacteria with resistance to the best god damn antibiotic ever made.
Thoughts. They poison your mind with ideas that makes you feel depressed all the time. I’ve recently concluded why the windows on the third floors can only be open by a quarter. It’s so Health Science students don’t suicide o.o

I think what is most stressful is the competition. Out of 1288 students that are taking this course, only 500 will be accepted into a professional programme next year. Not even half. And don’t even think that those 1288 people have no idea what is going on, cause we are constantly reminded every day, every minute and every second how 62% of us will fail and will not get into next year. And there is no guarantee how this is going to end.

After a certain age, we lose hope on miracles. We have to step foot into reality. And the reality of this situation is…I am among 1288 students that will kill for a spot. There is no such thing as below average. There are students who are good. And there are students who are the best. The rest is gone by now. And when you are like me and somehow manage to be in that very few percent that is at the borderline of being gone. You don’t know what have you been doing wrong or what is not right. Just that, suicide seems like a good idea.